1 00:00:04,803 --> 00:00:06,837 - We been sitting on this bench forever. 2 00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:09,507 After the game, I'ma be spread-eagle in the tub, 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,475 soaking my cheeks in some Epsom salts. 4 00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,645 - Shit, we finna go to the mall on a coochie safari 5 00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:15,579 and get up on some numbers. 6 00:00:15,581 --> 00:00:16,947 - All you gon' do is watch me hunt. 7 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:19,683 If you lucky, I'll let you scavenge on my leftovers. 8 00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:21,619 - Man, how come you always claimi'' 9 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:22,753 you more league than us? 10 00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:24,522 - Who almost beat Cheryl Miller Jr. 11 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:25,756 in a game of Clydesdale? 12 00:00:25,758 --> 00:00:26,557 Me. So fall back. 13 00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,092 - Hold up. Hold up. Massa comin'. 14 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,593 - Good shot! - Great defense! 15 00:00:29,595 --> 00:00:30,261 - Come on, Ref! 16 00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:32,596 - I don't need your patronizing cheers, motherfuckers! 17 00:00:32,598 --> 00:00:34,365 That's what these ugly-ass bitches 18 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,467 with the pom-poms is for. 19 00:00:37,603 --> 00:00:38,969 - Hey, fellas, good job. 20 00:00:38,971 --> 00:00:40,671 I was checking you out the whole game. 21 00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,006 - Aye, slow your roll, homey. 22 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,741 We ain't with that Chris Bosh shit. 23 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,843 - No, no, no, it's not like that. 24 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,077 You ever heard of ML Carr? 25 00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,312 - Oh, is that that new Benz? 26 00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:50,981 - No, no, I'm talking about the basketball player. 27 00:00:50,983 --> 00:00:53,284 Two-time world champion Boston Celtic, 28 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,319 played with Larry Bird, Dennis Johnson, 29 00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:56,020 and Kevin McHale? 30 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:59,456 all: Wow! - Well, his son is my dad. 31 00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:00,024 - Oh. 32 00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:04,028 - Anyway, you guys have been invited to the ML Carr Jr. III 33 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:06,764 Elite Basketball Camp for Future Stars. 34 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:09,567 - I never heard of that camp. But it sound kinda boo-boo. 35 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,602 - Well, you aren't invited anyway. 36 00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,571 These two are. 37 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,105 38 00:01:15,107 --> 00:01:15,706 - Ohh, shit! 39 00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:17,174 Who's league now, motherfucker? 40 00:01:17,176 --> 00:01:19,677 - That's what you get, homey. Karmelo's a bitch. 41 00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,212 - But I'm better than both these lames combined. 42 00:01:22,214 --> 00:01:24,014 - Sorry, kid, I saw you in warm-ups. 43 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:26,984 This camp is for top prospects only. 44 00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:27,518 - Damn. 45 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,087 - Yeah, sorry, kid, I guess you not a-- 46 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:33,691 47 00:01:35,126 --> 00:01:36,460 - Ooh, get out of here, nigga! 48 00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:39,797 Take this dunk to the mouth. These nuts, nigga. 49 00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:40,798 Tea bags all day. 50 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,335 Aye, what up, lil' bro? Where's Slim and Fat Shady at? 51 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,169 - Man, who gives a shit? 52 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:46,904 - You bitches in the middle of a catfight? 53 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,238 - Nah, man. I don't know. 54 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,907 Can I talk to you about somethin'? 55 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:50,774 - Nigga, we is talkin'. 56 00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:53,510 - You ever have a situation when your crew get into some shit 57 00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:55,045 and you're not a part of that shit 58 00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:56,213 even though you better at that shit 59 00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:58,215 but you try to act like you don't care and shit-- 60 00:01:58,217 --> 00:01:59,917 - Rocket launcher. Cross over. 61 00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:00,818 Machine gun. Buckets! 62 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:04,355 - You know what? Never mind. It's your turn to cook dinner. 63 00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:05,789 - Man, stall me out, cuz. 64 00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:06,724 Don't you see me playin' 65 00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,492 "Metta World Peace's Hoop or Die"? 66 00:02:08,494 --> 00:02:09,326 - How 'bout this? 67 00:02:09,328 --> 00:02:12,196 If I whup your ass, you gotta make the Hot Pockets for dinner. 68 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:12,696 - Bet. 69 00:02:12,698 --> 00:02:14,365 But just so you know, once we get on this game, 70 00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:17,434 we ain't come out the same fallopians, feel me? 71 00:02:17,436 --> 00:02:18,035 - What? 72 00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:21,138 - Yo' mama's vagina ain't no longer my mama's vagina. 73 00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:21,972 Anyways, fuck all that. 74 00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:24,074 Just get on them sticks, nigga, damn! 75 00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:26,243 76 00:02:27,445 --> 00:02:28,579 - This place is fancy. 77 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,215 Ooh, they even got welcome meatballs. 78 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:32,182 - And by the looks of things, 79 00:02:32,184 --> 00:02:34,752 I'm easily the hardest dude in this camp. 80 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:35,953 What's up, Elbows? 81 00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:38,122 We 'bout to dominate this bitch. 82 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:39,923 - Welcome to the ML Carr Jr. III 83 00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:42,593 Elite Basketball Camp for Future Stars. 84 00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,262 Give yourselves a hand for being invited. 85 00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:51,602 - It's obvious this place is only for well-trained athletes. 86 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:52,670 - And Grover said we suck. 87 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,939 - I'ma suck on more of these balls. 88 00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:59,843 - I'm finna serve these fools with a cherry on top. 89 00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:00,844 You ready, J? 90 00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:01,679 - Shit, ready for lunch. 91 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,014 They got a carve-your-own- prime-rib station. 92 00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:07,017 - Why the hoops ain't down? And where them balls at? 93 00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:09,653 - And now introducing former NBA World Champion, 94 00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:13,090 the legend, the best benchwarmer the league has ever known, 95 00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:15,926 the great Jack Haley... hologram. 96 00:03:15,928 --> 00:03:18,328 - Yeah, well, all right, dude! Let's get hype! 97 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:19,129 Welcome, brethren. 98 00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:22,032 Here you're gonna learn from the greats of the ole pine. 99 00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:23,300 Playing time is for posers. 100 00:03:23,302 --> 00:03:26,303 We can't all be starters, and with our help, 101 00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:27,137 none of you will be. 102 00:03:27,139 --> 00:03:28,439 But at this benchwarmers' camp-- 103 00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:31,141 - Benchwarmer camp? - I thought we were elite. 104 00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:32,142 - Behind every Hall of Famer, 105 00:03:32,144 --> 00:03:34,878 there's a benchwarmer yelling his heart out. 106 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,113 Enjoy the camp, gents. 107 00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:36,947 And remember our motto: 108 00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:40,818 No shots, no stress, no shine, no sweat! 109 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:41,518 Say it with me! 110 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,555 all: No shots, no stress, no shine, no sweat! 111 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:48,292 No shots, no stress, no shine, no sweat! 112 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,693 - Fuck you mean, no shine? 113 00:03:49,695 --> 00:03:50,360 - No shine? 114 00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:51,428 - Oh, yeah. - 115 00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:53,030 - Take that! Yeah, take that, 'Trel. 116 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:55,866 Open your mouth. Open up wide. Let Grover in. 117 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,601 - Agent Orange, bitch! Game! 118 00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,737 That's 12 wins in a row. 119 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,339 Now get in there and make my Hot Pocket, bitch! 120 00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:05,943 And you better use the crispin' sleeve. 121 00:04:06,177 --> 00:04:08,011 - It's the "Hoop or Die" Tournament. 122 00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:08,846 Who has the skills? 123 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,481 'Cause 5 grand can pay the bills. 124 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:11,815 You know what I'd do with that money? 125 00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:13,817 I'd quit my job at Best Buy, purchase a fur tuxedo, 126 00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:16,920 and build a custom house for my Puerto Rican cock, 127 00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:18,088 Vanessa II. 128 00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,757 I just wanna whup your ass, Montrel, 129 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,625 but a nig could always use a Puerto Rican cock. 130 00:04:21,627 --> 00:04:23,527 - The tournament features world-famous gamers 131 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,863 like token girl gamer Suzy Atari, 132 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,631 the crowd favorite, Fingah Tipz, 133 00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:30,567 and the no-pussy-gettin' No Pussy Nippsy. 134 00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,903 Contestants qualify at their local GameStoop. 135 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:35,472 - Man, all them motherfuckers are goin' down. 136 00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:38,041 - Wait, you already qualified for the tournament? 137 00:04:38,043 --> 00:04:41,178 - Can DJ Khaled go on a diet and still gain weight? 138 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,613 Them five stacks is mine. 139 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:43,480 - Not if I can help it. 140 00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,149 I'm tired of living in your shadow. 141 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,718 - You must have got that contact high, 142 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,786 'cause you straight trippin'. 143 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,221 You gon' always be in my shadow. Now kick rocks! 144 00:04:51,223 --> 00:04:53,857 This couch is for qualified "Hoop or Die-ers" only. 145 00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:55,893 - That's all right, Andre Negro Dolla. 146 00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,661 When I win, I won't need a couch, 147 00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:59,029 'cause I'ma sit on yo' face. 148 00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:01,965 - You sit on my face, and I'ma eat your ass alive. 149 00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:03,300 - Wait. What? - Wait a minute. What? 150 00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:06,770 - Yo, our Adderall sales are through the roof today! 151 00:05:06,772 --> 00:05:08,071 Is it SAT season already? 152 00:05:08,073 --> 00:05:10,574 - Naw, it's the "Hoop or Die" Tournament, my man. 153 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,643 It's the March Madness of video games. 154 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:13,944 - See, this is what I'm talking about. 155 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:15,612 We should be marching about the madness, 156 00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:17,247 but the madness has us playing "Madden" 157 00:05:17,249 --> 00:05:19,550 and marchin' about being mad but-- 158 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,285 Man, you know what I'm talkin' about. 159 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:22,986 - I'm confused and stuff, ese. 160 00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:24,021 - Look, all I'm sayin' is, 161 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:25,989 the boost in Adderall sales is just the tip of the iceberg. 162 00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:28,492 This is an opportunity to crack these crackers over the head 163 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,594 and game these gamers out of their gaming money. 164 00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:33,063 - Now, that's game, homes. - Two for $40. 165 00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:34,198 - I mean $60. 166 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,567 - Damn, you giving me the tourist prices, player? 167 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,135 - Surge pricing, like Guber. 168 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:41,138 Look, player, you buy or you go! 169 00:05:43,174 --> 00:05:45,242 - Hold up. Slow your roll. 170 00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,543 I gotta check you first. 171 00:05:46,545 --> 00:05:47,878 - LaDante? What are you doing here? 172 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,714 - My side hustle, fool. Now spread them legs. 173 00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:52,783 I wanna make sure you're not packin'. 174 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,385 That's good right there. That's all you? 175 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:56,253 Mm. You need to wax. 176 00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:58,755 I got a Brazilian that can take care of that for you. 177 00:05:58,757 --> 00:06:00,591 Empty you out at the end too. 178 00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:02,259 - Damn, Jared. Get off my footlong. 179 00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:04,428 - You mean six-inch. - Whoa, whoa! 180 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,629 I'm just here to qualify. 181 00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:08,932 - Next. Step up. Bring that ass. 182 00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:11,635 - It's a long bench ride for those ass muscles. 183 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,070 God forbid there's a triple overtime. 184 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,572 So to keep them cheeks loose and from falling asleep, 185 00:06:15,574 --> 00:06:17,207 you're gonna have to stretch 'em. 186 00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:20,010 - Stretch your what? - Gluteus maximus. 187 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:20,577 - Hold up. 188 00:06:20,579 --> 00:06:22,379 That's that Roman white boy with mad squabbles, right? 189 00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:24,181 - No, no, no. This is serious. 190 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:25,415 In addition to being the new pussy, 191 00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:27,784 the ass is the most important muscle to stretch 192 00:06:27,786 --> 00:06:28,685 when riding the bench. 193 00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:29,620 Let me tell you a little story. 194 00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:32,456 I was there when benchwarmer and noted philanthropist 195 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,258 Donny LarMue picked up a wet penny 196 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,894 in his Jordache jeans using only his ass. 197 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,762 And you know why he was able to do that? 198 00:06:38,764 --> 00:06:39,963 Huh? Do you know why, huh? 199 00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:40,964 Do you know? Do you know? 200 00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:42,332 Because he stretched his fucking glutes. 201 00:06:42,334 --> 00:06:45,202 Now grab your butt cheeks. I said grab 'em! 202 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,738 Squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 203 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,340 And squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 204 00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:51,174 I don't hear you! 205 00:06:51,176 --> 00:06:53,911 Squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 206 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,012 - Dis nigga. 207 00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:57,714 208 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,951 - Come on, Grove, get it together. 209 00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:02,185 You can't lose to Benny Hana. 210 00:07:02,187 --> 00:07:05,389 - Triangle, triangle, square, then double-tap circle. 211 00:07:08,092 --> 00:07:12,129 - Yeah, now what's up? Now who wanna fade Grover? 212 00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:19,202 - Cook that nigga! 213 00:07:22,473 --> 00:07:24,041 - Oh, hell yeah! 214 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:27,377 215 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,048 Damn, LaDante, you got skills! 216 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,816 You think you can give me some more tips? 217 00:07:32,818 --> 00:07:34,284 - Why the hell should I help you? 218 00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:35,719 - I'm just trying to prove to Montrel 219 00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:38,055 that I'm just as much of a man as he is. 220 00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:39,423 - You need to prove you a man? 221 00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:42,559 I can help you with your manhood. 222 00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:46,863 Mmm, Herbal Essences. Yeah, I got yo' tip. 223 00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:48,765 Meet me at my house tonight. 224 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,802 And wear something really cute. 225 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,571 Damn, you smell good. 226 00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:59,843 - Hey, LaDante, um, this hand massage feels cool, 227 00:07:59,845 --> 00:08:01,411 but what's it got to do with the tournament? 228 00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:04,648 - First rule of training is shut the fuck up. 229 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,716 Your hands loose? 230 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:07,784 - Yeah, my G. They actually feel relaxed. 231 00:08:07,786 --> 00:08:10,420 - Now let's work on that ass. - What? 232 00:08:10,422 --> 00:08:13,991 - A little prison joke. Always kills on the yard. 233 00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:16,526 - What's this for? 234 00:08:16,528 --> 00:08:19,796 - Our first training session. 235 00:08:19,798 --> 00:08:20,297 - Ugh. 236 00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:22,499 - This is called "Wash the Draws." 237 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:23,200 Now get to it. 238 00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:25,035 - How'd you get so good at "Hoop or Die" anyway? 239 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:28,572 - My cellmate Clark was a beast on them sticks. 240 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,107 He was nice with them fingers. 241 00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:32,609 He could push all the right buttons. 242 00:08:32,611 --> 00:08:34,911 He was good at video games too. 243 00:08:34,913 --> 00:08:37,047 - Uh, LaDante, look, man, I'm scrubbing, 244 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,982 but I think whatever you spilled is in the fabric. 245 00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:41,551 - Keep scrubbin', nigga, if you want to win. 246 00:08:41,553 --> 00:08:44,521 Me and Clark about to go play "Call of Booty." 247 00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:48,825 - You see, this is one of the most important skills 248 00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:50,927 that you're gonna learn at this camp: 249 00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:52,129 the art of towel waving. 250 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,130 - It's just waving a towel. 251 00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:56,233 - "Just waving a towel" saved my grandfather's career. 252 00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:58,335 - Man, this is lame and a shame. 253 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,337 We getting our tuchus kicked, Jack. 254 00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:01,538 - You need to stop jiving. 255 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,507 We need to encourage these youngbloods 256 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:04,474 and raise their spirits. 257 00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:05,976 We need to get Mr. Bird flyin'. 258 00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:09,346 - Man, ain't nothing we can do from this here bench. 259 00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,881 - Shit, hand me that towel. 260 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,315 I'm 'bout to get these white folks 261 00:09:12,317 --> 00:09:14,918 to give us some energy, baby. 262 00:09:18,856 --> 00:09:22,025 - I've never witnessed anything like this. 263 00:09:22,027 --> 00:09:23,627 The crowd has come alive 264 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:26,463 and willed this team into a victory! 265 00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:31,701 The MVP of this game is the towel! 266 00:09:31,703 --> 00:09:33,770 - My grandfather was on the verge of retiring 267 00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:35,839 when he pioneered this very towel wave 268 00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:36,706 that gets white folks hyped. 269 00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:38,508 This move, this move here, huh, this move right here, 270 00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:41,411 it got him six additional years in the league, 271 00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:43,480 and it kept us-- 272 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:44,381 it kept us out of public-- 273 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:48,151 public school, public housing, public transportation... 274 00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:49,986 Sorry. 275 00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:51,555 Towels up! 276 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:55,092 Now twist it around your hand and spin it like a helicopter! 277 00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,226 Spin it. Spin it. 278 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,627 That's right. Spin it! 279 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:05,202 280 00:10:29,594 --> 00:10:33,864 - All right, campers, I got a special treat for you today. 281 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:36,266 Give it up for two legends of the pine, 282 00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:40,770 Mark Madsen and Cole Aldrich. 283 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,275 - Man, you can't be no legend riding the pine. 284 00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:48,044 - You right. These scrubs are liquid dookie. 285 00:10:48,046 --> 00:10:50,413 - Okay, guys, let's start with some questions. 286 00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:51,515 - Yes, fat kid. 287 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,083 - What was the highlight of your career 288 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,518 that we never knew you had? 289 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,253 - Good question. Glad you asked. 290 00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:58,288 Stealing the moment from Shaq Diesel 291 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,791 and "Nappy Fro" Kobe at the Championship Parade. 292 00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:03,393 My dance skills are legendary. 293 00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:06,329 - Man, this corny-ass cracker ain't got no rhythms. 294 00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:07,397 - Oh, yeah. Me, me, me, me! 295 00:11:07,399 --> 00:11:10,233 Do you guys eat at, like, the finest restaurants, 296 00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:11,134 like, every night? 297 00:11:11,136 --> 00:11:12,569 - Ooh, that's such a good question. 298 00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,938 - Shit, my Gs, I usually eat at the crib, 299 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,106 unless I'm trying to get it in. 300 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,441 Then I'll take a chicken to Houston's. 301 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,545 - I know y'all scrubs and all. No offense. 302 00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:22,946 But do y'all get any groupie love? 303 00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:25,282 And if so, do they let y'all go raw? 304 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:26,116 - Great question. 305 00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,117 You know, we don't come up 306 00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:30,153 on floor-seat breezys like we'd like. 307 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,823 But we do be soaki'' in them cheap-seat chickens. 308 00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:37,160 - Word, Mark, the groupie hos generally want the starters. 309 00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:38,295 And with the invention of Google, 310 00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:40,730 these greedy-ass tricks can now check your contracts. 311 00:11:40,732 --> 00:11:42,866 Shit, the game's fucked up now, guys. 312 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:46,503 - So this is our future? I don't know, my nig. 313 00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:47,571 - Man, fuck these lames. 314 00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:50,207 I'd rather keep slangin' my nine in my blow-up doll 315 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,176 than some ole ratchet-ass balcony biatches. 316 00:11:53,178 --> 00:11:54,044 Yo, you know what? 317 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:54,911 Tell all the bench warmers 318 00:11:54,913 --> 00:11:56,446 to meet us back up here tonight. 319 00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:58,381 We finna change the game. 320 00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:00,684 - 321 00:12:08,193 --> 00:12:11,528 - Super OG LaDante, you all good, big homey? 322 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,363 - It's the fourth anniversary 323 00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:16,433 of the day my life partner got locked up. 324 00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:19,102 How do you lock up a face like this? 325 00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:19,703 How do you? 326 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:22,372 - I know you walking down memory lane and all that, 327 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:24,040 but the tournament is tomorrow. 328 00:12:24,042 --> 00:12:26,309 - Clark! 329 00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:27,477 Clark could cook! 330 00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:28,445 - Hey, uh, big man, 331 00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,847 I need a last-second training session, though. 332 00:12:30,849 --> 00:12:31,881 How do I block missiles if I'm-- 333 00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:35,018 - You talkin' about a game. I'm talkin' about love. 334 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:36,586 You should go, Grover. - But-- 335 00:12:36,588 --> 00:12:40,223 - Go! Get the fuck outta here! 336 00:12:42,660 --> 00:12:46,329 Clark! 337 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,600 - Thanks for gathering on such short notice. 338 00:12:50,602 --> 00:12:51,468 - Check this out, y'all. 339 00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:53,903 These camp counselors think we suck. 340 00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:54,804 - Well, we do. 341 00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:58,575 - I don't know about y'all, but I started playing basketball 342 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,344 to get a bunch of big brown booties pregnant. 343 00:13:02,614 --> 00:13:05,081 - We can't get no groupies pregnant from the bench. 344 00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:07,751 - That's right. So you know what I say? 345 00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:09,319 I say we hoops! 346 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:10,620 - We hoops! 347 00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:11,288 both: We hoops! 348 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:14,658 all: We hoops! We hoops! We hoops! 349 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:17,227 - Yo, Elbows, go to work, homey. 350 00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:20,397 351 00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:27,370 Like I said, we hoops. 352 00:13:30,108 --> 00:13:33,176 353 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:50,560 354 00:13:57,369 --> 00:14:00,770 - Game! What? Told y'all, busters. 355 00:14:02,473 --> 00:14:04,607 - Great game, dudes. That was intense. 356 00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:06,376 There's a reason why you ass-clowns 357 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:07,677 are at a benchwarmers' camp. 358 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,180 Now, whose bright idea was this? 359 00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,614 Fine, all of you sit down. 360 00:14:11,616 --> 00:14:13,750 - Naw, homey, we ain't sittin'. 361 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,151 - I said sit! - Hell no! 362 00:14:15,153 --> 00:14:17,620 We'd rather die on our feet than live on our cheeks. 363 00:14:17,622 --> 00:14:20,924 - None of us are sitting, Coach. We're never sitting again. 364 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,292 - Ain't nobody say all that. 365 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:23,326 - Fine, you fucking losers. 366 00:14:23,328 --> 00:14:25,595 But just know, you ain't gettin' no refund. 367 00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:28,865 I already cashed them checks, biatches! 368 00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:31,534 - The only way we beat the house is to find someone 369 00:14:31,536 --> 00:14:33,603 who's undervalued and overcome the odds. 370 00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:35,038 - Who's the least likely to win, homes? 371 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,475 - This guy who hates cats. His name is No Pussy Nippsy. 372 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:40,143 - Oh, no, it's not about the cats. 373 00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:43,079 It means he never stuck his thingy in a girl before. 374 00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:45,648 - Ugh, why would anyone ever want to do that? 375 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:46,483 - Who knows? 376 00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:47,317 But I ran the numbers, 377 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:48,918 and none of the last three champions 378 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,086 ever got any pussy. 379 00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:50,820 Check the graph. 380 00:14:50,822 --> 00:14:52,088 - That's how we're gonna get paid. 381 00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:55,258 We puttin' all our money on No Pussy Nippsy. 382 00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:58,428 383 00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:03,733 - Will player Grover please report to your game station? 384 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:05,435 Grover. Player Grover. 385 00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:07,771 - What the hell is yo' problem? 386 00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,038 - Your training was some bullshit. 387 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,641 All I did was pop blackheads and wash dirty draws. 388 00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:13,877 How is that gonna help me win the tournament? 389 00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,078 Man, I might as well give up. 390 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,581 - Give up? You France now, le negro? 391 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:19,215 - No, I just-- 392 00:15:19,217 --> 00:15:20,984 - Then show me "Wash the Draws." 393 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,386 - Huh? - "Wash the Draws"! 394 00:15:23,388 --> 00:15:25,522 Concentrate, Clark-- I mean Grover. 395 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:29,025 You play with your hands, but you win with your head. 396 00:15:29,027 --> 00:15:31,494 Understand? 397 00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:32,128 Better. 398 00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:34,798 Now show me "Pop the Pimple." 399 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,099 Focus! 400 00:15:37,368 --> 00:15:40,403 Now put all the techniques together. 401 00:15:40,405 --> 00:15:43,673 402 00:15:46,878 --> 00:15:49,012 Now you ready. 403 00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,081 404 00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:03,460 405 00:16:24,515 --> 00:16:27,784 406 00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:39,963 - Guess who got paroled, you big ole homo. 407 00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:41,831 I'm finally home. 408 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:44,667 - Clark? Clark, is that you? 409 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,136 - Hey, where are you going with my trainer? 410 00:16:47,138 --> 00:16:50,573 - Don't let this sweet Justin Bieber face fool you. 411 00:16:50,575 --> 00:16:52,175 I will cut a motherfucker. 412 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,077 - Clark, where are we going, boo-boo? 413 00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:57,247 - We're going home, baby. We're going home. 414 00:16:57,249 --> 00:17:00,016 - Malik, we got a big problem, my man. 415 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,384 - No Pussy just got pussy, homes. 416 00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:04,120 We bet everything on him. That means we both got screwed. 417 00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:05,955 - It's like y'all don't know who Malik is. 418 00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:09,692 This is AP Hustle 101. There's always a contingency. 419 00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:13,129 Hey, Montrel, let me holler at you real quick. 420 00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:17,033 - I'm glad they kicked us out. I'm ready to go home anyways. 421 00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:19,636 This ain't no place for a real nig. 422 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:20,103 Aah! 423 00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,638 - Grover's right. That do feel good. 424 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,674 Now say it again and emphasize the E-R. 425 00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:28,044 - Who I look like, Boo Boo the foo', my nig? 426 00:17:28,046 --> 00:17:28,611 Aah! 427 00:17:28,613 --> 00:17:29,512 - You don't deserve this. 428 00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:31,347 You guys really disappointed me. 429 00:17:31,349 --> 00:17:33,082 - The feeling is mutual. 430 00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:33,883 I mean, who disables 431 00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:36,052 the soft-serve machine in the cafeteria? 432 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,388 - We ain't always finna be benchwarmers. 433 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,455 I gots real potentials. 434 00:17:39,457 --> 00:17:42,292 - Uh, no, you don't. Four minutes a game, at best. 435 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:43,259 You're a privileged wannabe. 436 00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:45,328 You'll end up managing a bad rap group or, worse, 437 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:48,231 writing for a black TV show on Comedy Central, 438 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,265 fucking losers. 439 00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:50,433 - Eat a black dick! 440 00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:51,768 - Here go one right here. 441 00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:52,936 - Yeah, nigga, that's right, 442 00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:54,871 we took all y'all Oriental shit. 443 00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:57,740 We got Bruce Lee, Kimora Lee, Sara Lee, 444 00:17:57,742 --> 00:17:59,709 and now we 'bout to take y'all video games. 445 00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:02,345 - You know, you talkin' a lot of trash to be rolling dolo. 446 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:04,948 - Man, ain't nobody worried about being dolo, 447 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:06,783 you wide-faced bitch. 448 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,217 Ow! Oh! 449 00:18:08,219 --> 00:18:10,153 I think I pulled all my ass muscles! 450 00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,021 - Come on, 'Trel, stop messin' around. 451 00:18:12,023 --> 00:18:14,023 This is my shot at finally beating you 452 00:18:14,025 --> 00:18:14,857 and getting your respect. 453 00:18:14,859 --> 00:18:18,661 - Sorry, lil bro-bro. Looks like we both assed out. 454 00:18:21,565 --> 00:18:22,799 - Don't worry, 'Trel. Just rest up. 455 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:23,967 I'm finna represent for the family. 456 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:27,937 - Man, don't sweat that, Grove. I faked that shit. 457 00:18:27,939 --> 00:18:28,471 - What? 458 00:18:28,473 --> 00:18:31,674 - Man, Malik needed me to throw my next match, so, you know... 459 00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:33,076 - And the Image Award goes to... 460 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:36,012 - Aye, I told you I wanted these in singles, nigga, damn! 461 00:18:36,014 --> 00:18:38,114 - But if you won, you was gonna be playing me. 462 00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,550 - Why I'ma play when I can get paid? 463 00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:41,317 That's idiot. 464 00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:42,819 - Damn, you the worst big brother in the world. 465 00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:46,789 - Now, when I called you a bitch earlier, it was simply an idiom. 466 00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:48,658 But, cuz, you really is a bitch. 467 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:52,195 - Man, you know what? It doesn't matter anyway. 468 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:52,996 - Now, hold up, Grove. 469 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,131 We all know there's no way you could ever 470 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:57,166 in your life whup my ass in anything. 471 00:18:57,168 --> 00:19:01,137 But I can help you whup this other bitch, though. 472 00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:04,207 473 00:19:09,246 --> 00:19:10,079 All right, little bro, 474 00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:11,547 now, if you gon' beat this bitch, 475 00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:13,750 you gon' need my secret move. 476 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,319 - Let's go, Grove. - Yeah, Grover, you got this! 477 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,955 - Bust that breezy's ass. - Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! 478 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:22,358 - And in three, two, one. 479 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,827 Game time! 480 00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:28,231 - 481 00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:31,434 - Damn, little girl. 482 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,336 So sorry. 483 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,039 - Ha! Get 'em a body bag, Suzy! 484 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:39,575 485 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,347 - In yo' mouth! 486 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:48,217 - Bust that thang open! - Yeah, Grover, you my nig! 487 00:19:53,323 --> 00:19:56,759 - Now hit her with that secret sauce. 488 00:19:56,761 --> 00:19:59,162 489 00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:01,631 - Man, my dick is so hard right now. 490 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,132 - Cook her, nigga! 491 00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:11,174 492 00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:14,477 So sorry. 493 00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:21,350 - Aye, man. Bitch cold. 494 00:20:21,819 --> 00:20:24,821 - So what was good with that elite basketball camp? 495 00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:25,488 - Dem meatballs! 496 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:28,558 - Aw, man, we was way too league for that bullshit. 497 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,959 It was like playing with a bunch 498 00:20:29,961 --> 00:20:31,427 of mark-ass benchwarmers. 499 00:20:31,429 --> 00:20:32,095 - Aye, man. 500 00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,497 Even though you got that ass spanked, I still respect you. 501 00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:37,066 I would have given you my secret, secret move, 502 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,735 but I ain't no snitch, though. 503 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:39,802 - You know what 'Trel? 504 00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:40,670 You ain't the smartest, 505 00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:42,071 but you ain't such a bad brother after all. 506 00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:45,408 - Oh, nigga, I know. That's why I got you this. 507 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,175 - Suzy gave you that? 508 00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:48,044 - Naw, I robbed that ass. Now let's dip. 509 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:50,179 I think Suzy's management called one time. 510 00:20:50,181 --> 00:20:52,582 We gotta bounce out this bitch. 511 00:21:03,127 --> 00:21:04,961 - Squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 512 00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:07,630 And squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 513 00:21:07,632 --> 00:21:08,431 I don't hear you! 514 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:13,336 Squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 515 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:16,072 And squeeze and move and squeeze and move. 516 00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:17,607 I don't hear you!